I love eating and believe that food is one of the great pleasures of this material existence (right up there with sleep and sex). Fortunately, I am blessed with a metabolism and genes that tend to shape my body toward a lean muscularity, making me one of those people capable of eating and eating without much weight gain. I have proven this in the past by devouring entire blocks of cheddar cheese in a day or two and whole packages of Oreo's in one sitting (I possess, or am possessed by, an infamous sweet tooth) with little or no increase in mass.

So why does Sarah think that I have an eating disorder*!? Because I often eat nothing or next to it during week/work days and I tend to fret about calorie and fat counts when I do eat. Monday through Wednesday of this week, for instance, I have ingested, during the day, naught but a cup of coffee (highly sugared), a single Nature Valley chewy granola bar (140 calories) and an 8 oz. can of Dole pineapple chunks (60 calories). I always eat a healthy and typically delicious (when prepared by Sarah) evening meal, however, as well as frequent deserts of one sort or another (did I mention my notorious sweet tooth?).

I haven't weighed myself in a while but I would guess that I am somewhere between 185 and 195 pounds. At about 6'1" in height, I suppose this weight is normal but when I look in the mirror I only see the places where I am rounder than once I was. My washboard stomach is long gone and the area commonly known as "love handles" has definitely become more grippable around my waist. This rounding off can no doubt be attributed to the aging process - as I approach 36 years of age it is to be expected, I suppose, that my teenage body will eventually fade into a middle aged one (I started losing my hair to male pattern baldness when I was 22 but that is another story).

I certainly do not want to remain 18, or even 25, forever. But I also refuse to surrender to the middle age spread. Of course, as I'm sure Sarah will argue, this obsession with fat grams etc. began in my mid twenties and some years before middle age loomed.

Is this an eating disorder? As I have noted before, Sarah is usually dead on with her diagnostic abilities but I don't feel disordered and wonder if this is not a mental issue so much as a physical one. Perhaps I simply don't need more than one meal a day. As I write this (1/30/03 @ 3:15 p.m.) I have eaten nothing solid all day but drunk only one cup of coffee and a can of KMX energy drink. I do not feel hungry and, at the moment at least, little will power is needed to avoid snacking.

Perhaps I am mentally ill, however, as it was the article linked below (from a recent issue of the Bay Area's Wave Magazine), about the pro anorexia movement (yes, that's right, the pro anorexia movement), that rekindled my fear of calories.

The Skeleton Crew

*! EDIT (2/1/03): Discussing this post with Sarah, I was mortified to learn that I am guilty of misquoting her in the text above. She does not believe that I suffer from an eating disorder as I indicated. Rather she stated that I am "mentally ill", sometimes more so than others, in regards to food. The term "eating disorder" is, apparently, an artifact of my tiny mind. Could it be I used the words "eating disorder" in an unconscious effort to attract hits on the term "eating disorder" to this blog?

Haunted

Dead men linger �round your window
most nights
as you lie in bed, sleeping.

Unaware of the dead,
you divide the dark between dreams and oblivion.
You never hear them creeping.

Once, flickering into consciousness,
you mistook a pale face for the moon.

When morning comes they wander
into bar rooms, alleys,
the bushes beside the freeway.

They mingle and hide as best they can,
haunted by your sleeping face
all through the burning day.

Edit: Minutes after posting the above poem I found this link on the Blogger homepage:

Jeannie's Ghost Diary

Have you ever wondered what it's like to live in a real haunted house? I live in one and keep a diary of the strange happenings in my house.

Spooky, huh?

"I cahoot with no one"

- Will Sampson as Taylor in Poltergeist II: The Other Side -

Having linked to them more than once in my recent posts regarding the peace movement, I have been dismayed to learn that International A.N.S.W.E.R., the group largely responsible for the organization of the January 18 protests, is a front for The Worker's World Party - a so-called Socialist group whose claimed ideals (distribution of wealth, environmental stewardship, a world without class, racism or war ) seem to be at odds with their support of despots such as Slobodan Milosevic and Saddam Hussein (more information about ANSWER right here).

If these folks were merely Socialists I would not bat an eye. I happen to believe that Capitalism (unchecked by any kind of social conscience, especially) is a moral and spiritual dead end street. I will not and cannot, however, ally myself with supporters of tyrants and shedders of blood (which is why I marched on 1/18).

So, will I march again if International A.N.S.W.E.R. is involved in the organization of future protests? Yes but I won't be linking to them again and I won't be tainted by the stain of guilt by association because, like most of the 150,000 people who marched for peace in San Francisco on 1/18, I will not be doing so under an ANSWER banner but under the dictates of my own heart.

Protest Numbers Don't Add Up

From the SF Chronicle story linked above:

"I have never seen an identical estimate by authorities and protesters," said Neil Smelser, professor emeritus of
sociology at UC Berkeley. . .

As I indicated below (1/19), the discrepancy in the crowd count at Saturday's (1/18) peace march/rally was hardly surprising.
The SFPD originally put the tally at 55,000 while International A.N.S.W.E.R. maintains the event drew at least 200,000 folks. Each side, obviously, has an agenda and would like the numbers to support that agenda.

It was clear to anybody who was there (see Tom Shugart's comment here, for instance), however, that the police estimate was ridiculously low. In the words of Richard Becker, a member of ANSWER's national steering committee in San Francisco:

"I think it's ludicrous that this could have been a march of 50,000."

Especially since the SFPD's total did not include everybody but only those who had made it to Civic Center Plaza:

Police estimates of 55,000 demonstrators came from a counting of people in Civic Center Plaza and did not include
marchers who were backed up along Market Street, said Jim Deignan, San Francisco police spokesman.

So now that the SFPD has kindly accounted for the entire crowd, and not just those who had made it to the Civic Center, they
have amended their numbers upward to a total of at least 150,000. Sarah and myself, who were among those backed up along
Market Street for some time, figured jointly that there had to be at least 150,000 people marching (150,002 including ourselves) and are glad to see that the truth, at least this once, has emerged.

Empty Warhead Found in Oval Office

Somewhere in Texas a village is missing it�s idiot

What would a legitimate president do?

Waging war for peace is like fornicating for virginity

Killing one is murder, killing thousands is foreign policy?

I wanna� be proud to be an American

It�s my flag too dammit!

If war is the answer we�re asking the wrong question

A small sample of some of the memorable signs seen at yesterdays protest in San Francisco (click here for one, a bit of sociopolitical satire from Mad Magazine, that must be seen to be fully appreciated).

As stated below (1/17) this was my first protest. The Bush Administration, with it's bellicose and arrogant policy is, apparently, bringing many first time protestors out to the streets.

Not surprisingly, there seems to be some discrepancy in the estimated number of protestors filling the streets of San Francisco yesterday. The top estimate I have seen from the SF police puts the peace crowd at 55,000 while the organizers of the demonstration, International A.N.S.W.E.R., claim as many as 200,000 people showed up to disagree with The White House (Huge protests for peace, Tens of thousands in S.F. demand Bush abandon war plans).

Who to believe? Well, as one who was there, I must say that the crowd certainly seemed closer to 200K than it did 55. All, I might add, peaceful, orderly and united by a single vision for a better world than the current political machine can even imagine.

Despite recent news of slipping approval ratings at home, waning support from the U.N. Security Council, and the increasingly vocal peace movement, the White House remains "untroubled" by their war plans. Ari Fleischer offered this when queried about the rising number of protestors:

I think the President welcomes the fact that we are a democracy and people in the United States, unlike Iraq, are free to protest and to make their case known. And that's a time-honored part of American tradition, and the President fully understands it. It's a strength of our democracy.

(As an off the record aside, Mr. Fleischer added, "for now. . .")

The next major peace demonstration is scheduled for February 15. Be there or risk saddling up with these guys. . .

We (not the royal we but Sarah and myself) will be attending the no war march and rally in San Francisco tomorrow (1/18).

This will be a first for me - public protest, civil disobedience, hitting the streets and not just a keyboard to voice my dissent. I sported a black band around my arm during Bush Sr.�s Gulf War back in the early 90's but that was a solitary protest.

We will not be alone tomorrow. The crowd of folks turning up to protest George W.�s war all the time agenda is expected to reach at least 50,000 people and, according to organizers, as many as 80,000. And that's just San Francico.

Could a strategically timed invasion of Iraq help our hero regain lost poll points?

Meaningless as it may be, the news that Bush Jr's popularity has ebbed to the lowest numbers (58%) since he rode the waves of tragedy to a soaring crest after that sad day in . . . when was it? Oh, yes, September '01. . . Meaningless as it may be, I say, the news that George W. lost a little bit of his post 9/11 shine cheered me a bit.

According to the Newsday article linked above:

Gallup pinpointed foreign affairs - specifically, the controversy over North Korea's nuclear ambitions - as a key to Bush's decline. It found that those approving of Bush's handling of foreign policy fell from 60 percent to 53. . .

The mild cheer this news brought me shrivels right up, however, before the dread which squeezes my heart when I realize that 53 percent of those polled seem to support Bush's foreign policy. My god, the man is terrorizing a soverign nation. Many even think he is honest, apparently.

Gallup found that the public continues to view Bush as honest, decisive and effective.

This for a man who should be answering some serious questions about election and corporate fraud and who seems to be most effective at lying and destroying the environment.

And speaking of Bush's foreign policy. . . there are anti-war marches and rallies occurring nation wide this Saturday (1/18). I would like to add my physical as well as spiritual presence to those gathering in San Francisco. Sarah may not be up to it, though, returning as she is Friday from long days away at work camp. In which case we will carry on the good fight here and in our hearts.

Follow the links below for information about anti-war events near you.

Not In Our Name

Move On

International A.N.S.W.E.R.

United for Peace

I'm okay alone, but you got something I need

- Brand New Key, Melanie -

Sarah is traveling again. . . Braving the frozen wilds of Hebron, Kentucky. The money is good, I suppose, but the time apart is long in ways that cannot be measured by ticks and tocks and tiny days divided neatly on calendars.

And what is money, after all, that it should keep lovers apart? Plastic, little bits of paper, a stream of binary code feeding fat banks, The Devil's bog roll.

Oh, how we push ourselves and pride ourselves and loose touch with ourselves for Old Nick's sh*t.

But who believes in that stuff anyway? Money? The Devil? Fantasy!

I was talking about Sarah and thinking of the real world in the deeps of her eyes. . . so far away. Come home soon, Sarah, and safe. You got something I need.

The first night you were gone
I lay in bed, emptiness
beside me,
and realized

that my love for you
is a living thing

nourished by your presence.

Without you
it goes hungry
and gnaws at my heart.

We have met the enemy and he is US

- Walt Kelly (my italics) -

The Corporations That Supplied Iraq's Weapons Program

(courtesy of The Memory Hole)

Guess which North American superpower is home to 24 of the corporations that helped build Saddam's army toys. . .

The following poem is currently under consideration in the offices of a prospective publisher here in the Bay Area. They've been sitting on it since July '02 and I hope it poses no breach of trust or policy regarding prior publication for me to post it on this tiny, out of the way strand of the www.

I don't much care at this point. As I say, they've been sitting on it for more than five months. Besides, I've been spinning The Doors penultimate album, Morrison Hotel the last couple of days, it's about time to update this blog, and Jim is on my mind.

For Jim with Aplogies

I�ve seen the end that waits,
with open arms and starry eyes,
for each and every one of us.

I took a chance
and rode with Jim
at the back of that big blue bus.

Iridescent, a scale rolling
on a serpent�s tail,
we drove
and drove
to a sandy, fly flecked cove.

"The Lake of Days,� said Jim
and I followed him
from the bus into motionless air.

�Do you see,� he asked, pointing,
�someone sailing there?�

The fog haunted water
revealed a craft, a dinghy, perhaps,
or a raft, small and distant.

�That�s me,� he said,
�and you. We�re going to that place
we always guessed but never knew.
Where the least is the greatest
and the greatest the least.�

Silent as a stone I closed my eyes,
gazing West, feeling East.

Having recently upgraded to Blog*Spot Plus, I am eager to take advantage of the features now available to me as an actual Blogger customer. I would love, for instance, to add an about page and, perhaps, some poetry pages to begin with. My eagerness, however, has run headlong into my technical ignorance, which abounds. I know nothing about the FTP protocol necessary for the creation of those pages mentioned above. Of course, I knew nothing about HTML when I started this blog nearly a year ago and, after educating myself enough to get by in the blogosphere, I know next to nothing. I hope I can say the same soon about FTP.

If anybody out there would care to assist in my File Transfer Protocol education, especially as it relates to publishing on Blogger, feel free to drop me a line at the e-mail address near the top of this page. In the meantime I'm off to see what I can find on-line about this subject - Blogger support seems to be down at the moment : (